How To Tell When Scooter Has Had A Shitty Day

It never ceases to amaze me how the woman who has known me since I was still swimming around in her uterus can't seem to grasp when I've had a bad day or when I'm in a bad mood.  

She seems to think that if I don't talk a lot, or I yell at the dog to shut up when she's been barking for 2 hours non-stop, I'm automatically in a bad mood.  That's not true.  I'm not particularly verbose anyways... At least not at home.  I learned long ago that talking a lot at the house is a bad idea.  

My mother and I are too different to have conversation that doesn't include yelling.

Anyways, I decided to make up a little list for my devoted blog followers so you don't end up on the wrong end of my temper.

Top Five Ways To Tell That Scooter Has Had A Shitty Day:

• I come home from work with either alcohol, ice cream, or both.  Stress eating at its finest to me means a pint of ice cream and a cheap bottle of wine.  When you see these things in my hand as I enter the door after work, you might want to steer clear of me for a while.

 

• As soon as I get home, I retreat to my bed or my shower.  Either of those mean that I'm trying to relax.  When I need to relax, it means... I'VE HAD A BAD DAY!!!!

 

 

• If I tell you that I've had a bad day or that I'm in a bad mood.... Guess whaaat???  

 

• If I petition you for sex.  I normally don't behave in such a manner.  But when I'm stressed the fuck you, I WILL maul you with my vagina.  I have no qualms doing so either.  So if I offer, you better jump on board and prepare yourself for the wild ride you're about to take.  You may not be so lucky to be exposed to my awesome snatch again.

• Did you just TELL me that I'm in a bad mood???  Well, guess what... I AM NOW AND YOU'RE IN MY FUCKING WAR PATH!!!!!

So.... Now you know.  Any of those warning signs means that the volcano is close to eruption and evacuation is probably the thing you want to do if you value your life.

 

On the upside, after half a bottle of wine, things become funny again.  After the whole bottle.... I feel warm, fuzzy, and desire human contact.  Usually in the form of sex.

 

 

 As of right now.... Things are funny.  I think I need to dig deeper into that bottle...

Scooter Out.

 

Days 16 and 17... My Job In A Nutshell

I know I didn't post anything I was grateful for yesterday, and the more I thought about it, I realized that I'm just flat out grateful for my job.  Sometimes it's dull and sometimes it's a pain in the bum, but, all-in-all, I'm grateful for it.

I kinda wanted to explain my job.  In case anyone was curious about what I do and stuff.

I work for a rather small remittance company that's a vendor to an insurance giant.  Now that that means is, this big insurance company decided "Hey, we don't wanna do our mail intake or remittance processing anymore.  Let's employ another company to do it."  So, technically, I'm an employee of an employee of a huge company.  Employeeception?  Perhaps.

My department is the Remittance Processing Services Data Entry Department.  RPS Data Entry for short.  The long way sounds more important and pompous, though.  :P  Basically what I do is sit in a small cubicle (seriously.... I can't eve stretch my arms out all the way...) all day long and stare at checks on a computer that has 2 screens and, using my magical "Policy Finding" program, I manually post payments.  But only after I play God for long enough to decide where each payment should go.  That's all.  I post payments all day.

There's other departments here, too.  I couldn't begin to tell you what they all do.  The only other one I'm really familiar with is the mail room.

Now, what they do is take in all the mail, sort it by type, open it, then send it to imaging where they take pictures of it and that's when I get it.  Sound fun?  Yea.... Not really.  :P 

Now I think the only part of my job that sucks really hardcore is getting errors.  That happens when I send money to the wrong account (you send in a check and I post that money to somebody else's account) or when I type the wrong amount (you send in a check for $20 and I key it for $200) or something along those lines.  See, I'm only allowed so many of those per month or I get in trouble.  And that's not good.

Now, for any of you who are considering a career in the fine are or remittance, let me warn you... Holidays are few and far between.  In my company the only 2 days were guaranteed off per year are Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day.  But if you don't care about that... Then it's just a FABULOUS field to work in.  So get your resumes up to date and work on your ten-keying skills and apply at your local remittance company TODAY!!

Scooter Out.