Ode To The Christmas Sweater

Dear Christmas sweater,

I saw you at the department store, in all your knitted glory.

Your polyester blends called to me like a siren.

You wrapped me up in your warm and fuzzy sleeves.

And our secret love affair began.

I thought of my family who may desire such a fine, luxurious sweater.

My parents, of course.

And my gay cousin Todd.

My in-laws, as always

And my Uncle Mac and Aunt Bob.

My brothers all need one

And my big sisters, too.

Redneck Uncle Bubba needs a sweater without sleeves

And schizophrenic cousin Raymond needs on that will leave all his voices pleased.

I suppose I should think of my crazy friend Larry, too.

But, my fine Christmas sweater, the best couple will be me and you.

I'll get a different one for each of the 12 Days,

And I'll get one for the office party and leave all my co-workers amazed.

I'll find one that represents the animal I like best

And I'll find another that splays my favorite bird across my chest.

I'll find a super special one to wear while watching "The Grinch"

And I'll even get a snowman one to wear if I'm in a pinch.

I'll get one for my doggie

And for an unseasonably warm day.

And the last one I will get will make the reindeer say "HOORAY!"

But I'll save my favorite favorite one for the day right after festivities,

Because the one my grandma gave me is truly the best of these!!

Happy Holidays!

Scooter Out.