I don't particularly have any deep or exploratory things to say. I have a lot on my mind I'd like to send into the cosmic void, though, so bare with me today as I unburden myself.
About a month or so ago I was sitting in church and I had one of those moments where it felt like the pastor was speaking directly to me. I knew (and still know) that I wasn't where I should be in my relationship with God. Something had to give. That day I prayed for God to bring me to a place of brokenness and humbleness so that I might learn to fully trust Him with my petty fleshly problems. I didn't have to wait long for an answer. Within 2 weeks, I had broken things off with my fiancé that I realized I was not in love with, and my dad was hospitalized and diagnosed with lymphoma shortly after. I can't say I was thrilled about any of that, but I've always been a person to believe that all things happen for a reason.
It's been a little while now and I'm growing accustomed to being single again. Although I'll have to admit the loneliness sometimes creeps in on late nights when it storms or I just want someone to wrap their arms around me. I'm a hopeless romantic...
My dad goes in to have surgery on Thursday to try and figure out where the lymphoma has spread to and to take a biopsy to let us know what stage it's at. As soon as we figure all that out he'll begin treatment. He's scared, but in good spirits. I'm terrified of losing him. But I put on a brave face for his sake and the sake of my family.
Through this one good thing has come about. My prayer has been answered. I now feel closer to God than I have in I don't know how long. I hate that it had to happen like this. I understand why, but I don't like it. I pray for my dad as hard as I can, and other people who are sweet and amazing and love me are all praying for him, too. I hope things don't get any worse, but with cancer things tend to get worse before they get better.
My faith has been restored, but at what cost? That's the things that keep weighing on my mind. Will that prayer kill my dad? The one who has supported me in anything and everything I ever wanted to do or be and the man I always saw as invincible...? Is this my fault? Some might say that I'm being silly. Maybe I am. I just can't stand the thought of being without my daddy. I'm very much a daddy's little girl.
So, for those of you who read my blog, I must ask a favor. If you pray, would you kindly keep my dad in your prayers? I thank all of you in advance who chose to do this for me and for him. May you all be blessed for helping a stranger.
Scooter Out.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Born this way or a subconcious choice?
I'm going to address the issue of homosexuality. And, no, that is not all I talk about, and I'm not some psycho radical lesbian trying to promote her own agenda. It just happens to be on my mind at the time, so stop stereotyping me and open your mind.
I've been told that I chose to be gay, whether i realize it or not. I've been told that I'm seeking attention. I've been told that due to the fact that I grew up in a house with a belligerent male alcoholic that I'm traumatized by men and can't mentally handle being with one. I've been told that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that a bit of psychotherapy would fix. I've been told that God can cure me if I ask Him to. I've been told that I have a genetic mutation due to all the pesticides and fertilizers and steroids used on the food we all consume. I chose to believe that I was just born this way. Whatever the reason may be, I am gay. But I'm very obviously not the only homosexual human. And humans are not the only homosexual species. Let me explain...
Current biological research tells us that many animal species exhibit homosexual, bisexual, and even transgender behavior. In 2007, Peter Backman set forth the theory that no species has been found that didn't exhibit some form of homosexual behavior, except those that do not have sex, such as sea urchins and aphids. So why do some people say it's against nature if it's all over nature?? Let's take a step further and talk about gender.
Any person who has ever seen the movie Jurassic Park knows that "some West African frogs have been know to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single-sex environment". Which is quite true. There are also several sea-dwelling creatures (i.e. - fish and several species of mollusk) that can do the same thing. So why is it considered wrong and strange if a human being wants to change his or her gender? Maybe the genetic mutation isn't in the gay and transgender population. May the genetic mutation is in ALL of us. What if we were originally able to change gender as well? What if, considering that nearly all species on the earth exhibit some kind of homosexual behavior, we were all meant to understand and embrace it? What id Plato was right when he wrote his Symposium which included Aristophanes's speech. if you have never heard the story, I will post it below:
One upon a time, many years ago, every person was double. Two humans, joined back to back that moved across the land foot over hand doing cartwheels. These double people had the strength of two and were swift as they moved. One day, these double people decided to ascend Mount Olympus and war with the gods. Zeus, the king of the gods, became angry. As punishment, the double people were split in two to form what we know at humans today. We are now slower and weaker, and not only that, we spend our lives looking for out "other half". Now, there were three genders of these double people: the all-male, the all-female, and the androgynous, which was one male and one female. This was the story to explain why some lovers are straight, and others gay. this story has always made sense to me because it seems fair.
I'm sure I'm going to get looked at funny for this defense of homosexuality, especially considering that I am a Christian. But, aren't we all made in the image of God? Murderers and rapists and pedophiles and thieves.... The Bible says ALL are made in the image of God. Not just straight people. Not just nice people. All of us. But God gave us a free will to let us chose him or not chose Him ans we are of a sinful nature. So instead of spending so much time judging each other for our differences, why don't we stop and look at our similarities? Take the time to replace hate and judgement with love and acceptance? It's a lovely concept when you think about it. But who will step up to the challenge? Who will honestly try to look at others from a point of familiarity instead of strangeness? I pray we all do someday.
Scooter Out.
I've been told that I chose to be gay, whether i realize it or not. I've been told that I'm seeking attention. I've been told that due to the fact that I grew up in a house with a belligerent male alcoholic that I'm traumatized by men and can't mentally handle being with one. I've been told that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that a bit of psychotherapy would fix. I've been told that God can cure me if I ask Him to. I've been told that I have a genetic mutation due to all the pesticides and fertilizers and steroids used on the food we all consume. I chose to believe that I was just born this way. Whatever the reason may be, I am gay. But I'm very obviously not the only homosexual human. And humans are not the only homosexual species. Let me explain...
Current biological research tells us that many animal species exhibit homosexual, bisexual, and even transgender behavior. In 2007, Peter Backman set forth the theory that no species has been found that didn't exhibit some form of homosexual behavior, except those that do not have sex, such as sea urchins and aphids. So why do some people say it's against nature if it's all over nature?? Let's take a step further and talk about gender.
Any person who has ever seen the movie Jurassic Park knows that "some West African frogs have been know to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single-sex environment". Which is quite true. There are also several sea-dwelling creatures (i.e. - fish and several species of mollusk) that can do the same thing. So why is it considered wrong and strange if a human being wants to change his or her gender? Maybe the genetic mutation isn't in the gay and transgender population. May the genetic mutation is in ALL of us. What if we were originally able to change gender as well? What if, considering that nearly all species on the earth exhibit some kind of homosexual behavior, we were all meant to understand and embrace it? What id Plato was right when he wrote his Symposium which included Aristophanes's speech. if you have never heard the story, I will post it below:
One upon a time, many years ago, every person was double. Two humans, joined back to back that moved across the land foot over hand doing cartwheels. These double people had the strength of two and were swift as they moved. One day, these double people decided to ascend Mount Olympus and war with the gods. Zeus, the king of the gods, became angry. As punishment, the double people were split in two to form what we know at humans today. We are now slower and weaker, and not only that, we spend our lives looking for out "other half". Now, there were three genders of these double people: the all-male, the all-female, and the androgynous, which was one male and one female. This was the story to explain why some lovers are straight, and others gay. this story has always made sense to me because it seems fair.
I'm sure I'm going to get looked at funny for this defense of homosexuality, especially considering that I am a Christian. But, aren't we all made in the image of God? Murderers and rapists and pedophiles and thieves.... The Bible says ALL are made in the image of God. Not just straight people. Not just nice people. All of us. But God gave us a free will to let us chose him or not chose Him ans we are of a sinful nature. So instead of spending so much time judging each other for our differences, why don't we stop and look at our similarities? Take the time to replace hate and judgement with love and acceptance? It's a lovely concept when you think about it. But who will step up to the challenge? Who will honestly try to look at others from a point of familiarity instead of strangeness? I pray we all do someday.
Scooter Out.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Egomaniac
I suppose I'll take up this first blog post to do the egotistic and stereotypical thing of telling about myself.
I refuse to post my name, so anyone can call me Scooter. I'm 22 years old and I was born, raised, and still live in Columbus Georgia. I'm a lesbian as well as a regular church-goer. Call it an oxymoron or even a sin if you want, by my soul means just as much as any other Christian's soul. So.... Deal with it, bigot.
I'm not in school but I hope to start back in the Spring. My ambition is to become a high school literature teacher. I currently live with my parents, and if you think that's funny or pitiful, I dare you to leave your mom in $20,000 worth of debt and a broken leg. I live there to help them. Not because I'm a bum. I work. I pay their bills and my own. I'll leave when I'm no longer needed.
I love music. I listen to it as much as humanly possible. I love to sing. I fiddle around with the guitar, but I'm not very good. I get my love of music from my father. I also love art. I can be found frequently at one of the museums in town. And reading is one of the most important things to me. I value my books. If my house was on fire I'd probably get hurt trying to save them. I pray my dog would be intelligent enough to get herself out the door, but I'm REALLY not sure about that....
I'm directionally inept. I only know one (maybe two) way to get anywhere. I don't know street names. I don't follow directions very well. Basically..... I get lost. A lot. Even in my own city. Which I know is sad, but I can't afford a GPS. If you want to send me one, I'll be more than happy to accept it.
I have a vicious temper. I'm actually a really nice person until you make me mad. And if you've actually pushed me to the point of being mad, then you deserve whatever punishment you get. I'm extremely difficult to anger or offend. I've been called nearly every name you could think of, so stupid crap like that doesn't bother me anymore. So it takes something pretty huge to make me mad.
I don't drink much. I've never been drunk. Go ahead and throw the BS card... Most people do. But it's the truth. I've NEVER been drunk. I don't smoke. It disgusts me. I've never done any type of drug. Ever. I'm a pretty good person. I don't tolerate drama or BS that heavy drinking and drug use brings. I've seen it. Most everyone in my family is an addict, and I don't feel the need to destroy myself and my loved ones that way.
Well.... I guess that's pretty much everything. I'm overly sarcastic, so I accidentally offend people. I want to apologize now if anything I ever say offends anyone. But.... Then again..... If my blogs offend you.... Don't read them.
Scooter Out.
I refuse to post my name, so anyone can call me Scooter. I'm 22 years old and I was born, raised, and still live in Columbus Georgia. I'm a lesbian as well as a regular church-goer. Call it an oxymoron or even a sin if you want, by my soul means just as much as any other Christian's soul. So.... Deal with it, bigot.
I'm not in school but I hope to start back in the Spring. My ambition is to become a high school literature teacher. I currently live with my parents, and if you think that's funny or pitiful, I dare you to leave your mom in $20,000 worth of debt and a broken leg. I live there to help them. Not because I'm a bum. I work. I pay their bills and my own. I'll leave when I'm no longer needed.
I love music. I listen to it as much as humanly possible. I love to sing. I fiddle around with the guitar, but I'm not very good. I get my love of music from my father. I also love art. I can be found frequently at one of the museums in town. And reading is one of the most important things to me. I value my books. If my house was on fire I'd probably get hurt trying to save them. I pray my dog would be intelligent enough to get herself out the door, but I'm REALLY not sure about that....
I'm directionally inept. I only know one (maybe two) way to get anywhere. I don't know street names. I don't follow directions very well. Basically..... I get lost. A lot. Even in my own city. Which I know is sad, but I can't afford a GPS. If you want to send me one, I'll be more than happy to accept it.
I have a vicious temper. I'm actually a really nice person until you make me mad. And if you've actually pushed me to the point of being mad, then you deserve whatever punishment you get. I'm extremely difficult to anger or offend. I've been called nearly every name you could think of, so stupid crap like that doesn't bother me anymore. So it takes something pretty huge to make me mad.
I don't drink much. I've never been drunk. Go ahead and throw the BS card... Most people do. But it's the truth. I've NEVER been drunk. I don't smoke. It disgusts me. I've never done any type of drug. Ever. I'm a pretty good person. I don't tolerate drama or BS that heavy drinking and drug use brings. I've seen it. Most everyone in my family is an addict, and I don't feel the need to destroy myself and my loved ones that way.
Well.... I guess that's pretty much everything. I'm overly sarcastic, so I accidentally offend people. I want to apologize now if anything I ever say offends anyone. But.... Then again..... If my blogs offend you.... Don't read them.
Scooter Out.
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