Round 2

So, needless to say, my post about my sexuality issues deserves a bit of an update. 

I suppose trying to change your life is much like going through the stages of grief.  Let me explain...

Stage 1 - Shock and denial:
When somebody tells you that your whole way of life is wrong and sinful, it's a fucking shock!  After the initial shock wears off, you go into denial thinking "Fuck those religious bigots!!"  This stage can last a while.

Stage 2 - Pain and guilt:
The more you think about what was said to you, the more you hurt.  You feel guilty, like there's something wrong with you or like you did something bad.  The more you dwell on the pain, the more guilt you feel.

Stage 3 - Anger:
We all know anger.  You get pissed because you were basically made to feel like an abomination.  That blows.  So you get all pissy and blame Christians and the Bible and God and the church and then you just decide "Fuck them all!!" 

Stage 4 - Depression:

For me this stage lasted a while.  Actually..... I'm still going through it.  I still feel depressed at times.  And even mad still too.  I feel like there's nothing wrong with who I was, so why am I trying to make other people happy?  I'm miserable and the only thing I want to hear is something nobody will say to me.  So.... Yea.

I'm not gonna go through the rest of the stages.  There's 7 total and I could compare them all to how I feel right now.  Part of me wants to stand up and scream that there's nothing wrong with me.  Then, part of me feels like I need to live my life for God and all that jazz. 

The Bible calls homosexuality an abomination.  The Bible also says not to eat shellfish.  AND that it's okay to stone your kid to death. 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is.... I never felt like an abomination.  Till I started to fight who I was. 



Scooter Out.